(Photo by Chris King)
My gal pal has a type. Not a type she prefers, but rather a type that prefers her. Her appeal to this type of guy is so reliable that when she sees a man of this type—most often, these days, in a grocery store—she begins to prepare herself for the eventual approach.
She is a kind person with keen social gifts and a lively sense of humor, so she lets these guys down easy. Her type happens to be a nice guy, so there is nothing cringey or stalkery about these encounters.
Over the recent holiday season, she was shopping for groceries when she found herself being passed in the aisles repeatedly by a young man of her type. He was smooth. He was not cringey. But he was clearly contriving unnecessary opportunities to pass her as she collected groceries in her cart.
Finally, as she knew he would eventually, he made his approach. This young man stopped next to her cart and said, “If I buy your groceries, will you cook us dinner?”
She laughed out loud. “That was really funny,” she said. “Is that your line? How is it working for you?”
The poor young man said, “No, I just thought it up while I was walking around the store working up my nerve to approach you. I have never said that to anyone before. So, if I buy your groceries, will you cook us dinner?”
She let him down easy, and he gave up right away.
“You just look like you really know how to cook,” he said, sadly, before pushing his cart off alone and buying only his own groceries.
I know that talking to strangers in public is a little out of fashion. I know that we are often leery or even afraid of one another. I know about the male gaze and women’s reasonable concern about a strange man paying them an unusual amount of attention. But I really have to hand it to this guy. That is a really great proposal.
I doubt anyone needs my help understanding the perfection of his proposal, but let me break down the magic of his speech act. With one simple question, in an economical ten words, he has accomplished many things. He has volunteered to invest in her well-being and their relationship. He has invited himself over to her place (or her to his). He has put implicit faith in her culinary skills. He has suggested that a quiet night at home is sufficient entertainment if he is with the right person. He has brashly suggested that she is the right person.
I hope this strategic young man is still out there somewhere using this inspired line, or, even better, that he has used it successfully and has been loving happily ever after with his new gal pal who really knows how to cook.
I wrote this little memoir in the spirit of a Cupid, hoping someone out there hears me and tries this out and buys some lonely person who looks like they can really cook their groceries and they cook you dinner and in fact they can really cook well. Dinner together is delicious, and you take it from there, hopefully, expectantly, both of you taking your chances on love and food.
